H is for Hate

Going to be short and sweet tonight folks since apparently, in true Mom style, i let my little cold grow to double inner and outer ear infections with a side of strep.  Hey moms, go to the doctor when you don't feel good!

Anyway, hate.  

Definition according to Wikipedia:  Hatred is a deep and emotional extreme dislike that can be directed against individuals, entities, objects, or ideas. Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger and a disposition towards hostility

I cringe at the use of the word Hate.  It's such a very strong and permanent word.  I don't allow my kids to use the word.  I don't doubt that there will come a day in their lives when they will truly be something present that will warrant the word, but at 6, 3, and well, 0, there shouldn't be anything bad enough that they would have enough experience with to pin the word hate onto.

Hate should be reserved for the really really really awful things or people that have caused us so much pain and hurt that the scars left will never fully heal.  Something or someone that breaks you down so far that those little alarms go off in your head at the mere thought.....that probably gets some hate.

Chores.........food.........kisses from a crazy aunt........long meetings...................these do not qualify.  Come on, people, chores....are a necessity but it's not like you can't do them or they will kill you or you have to do the same one constantly.........food.....tastes buds change..........you will miss every affectionate embrace when they are gone.........and well, meetings, occasionally you get a good one where something gets done....or someone brings donuts or cake, right?

I have only since having kids really taken on this point of view.  Before that, hate was just another word.  Then I heard it come out of my little guy's mouth and I realized what I was planting in him.  I'd rather teach him to elaborate on his feelings of dislike or non-preference than give him an easy out with a little word that should really be reserved for something there is no other word for.

G is for Grass

I wish I had known just how much I would dislike (not hate) GRASS!

Growing up, my parents had two girls and my dad was in the military, so, guess who got to mow grass when Daddy was away?  Me (and I honestly don't remember if my sister got to share in that joy).  It was something I did to earn my allowance.

In college and in my first apartments, it was something that ought to look nice because I was paying for it to be, but I could never figure out why it always had to be cut at the crack of dawn!

In our first townhouse, we had a little patch.  We mowed it and sat in it and it was fine.  

Then, we started looking for a house.....must have a yard!  I had one little boy at the time, expecting our second kid (didn't know boy or girl yet) and all of the house-buying myths tell you......you must have a yard for kids to play in.  For a dog to run in.  But, guess, what?  They never really tell you how much work it is!  You have to mow that crap like once (sometimes more) a week!  It doesn't stop!  Just another reason I enjoy fall so much!  The grass slows......and eventually stops....just for a brief moment.

It's like a life sentence.  If you drive around in the middle of the day in your neighborhood, especially in the spring, just count how many retired guys are not living it up somewhere......they are mowing their grass.  Fertilizing their grass.  Sweeping up around the edges.  Just looking at it.  Carrying out their sentence.  It’s no longer a chore......it's life.  At least most of them have gotten a bit of a parole and granted the use of a riding mower, but still.............grass!!  acckkk!!  It will get you!!!

Since moving in, we've tried to devise ways of killing it without actually parking cars on it and looking like we're having a perpetual yard sale (you know the houses I'm talking about).  We triple-weed blocked the back third of our yard, covered it in mulch and installed the playground..........2 months later, guess what?  You would never have known I spent hours on my hands and knees sentencing that grass to the dark tomb of weed-block.  Nope.  Great big, tall, ugly grass.  Growing.  Taunting me.  I used to tell myself I enjoyed mowing.........around and around and around with every circle getting smaller and smaller, like some sort of game.  I composed quite a few blogs during those laps.  My husband also lost quite a few arguments on those laps.  No.......he wasn't with me.....I knew what he would say, so I just said his parts for him......he loses every time I use this handy time-saving method of arguing.  :)  

Why am I mowing, you may ask, when I have a perfectly capable hubby?  Good question.  Probably the same reason I don't cook.  I can, if I have to, but I don't really like to, so there.  He took over the task of grass murder while I was pregnant..........then I got a yard guy.  Best decision ever!  I still continue to scheme ways to kill it all and still have an attractive landscape, but, well, that takes A LOT more money than just getting some kid to make it go away weekly.

So, advice.  

Grass is OVER RATED!

If you end up with the green nightmare to defeat...hire a knight in the form of a teenage kid with a lawnmower!

F is for Friends

Here's a slightly more serious post for you.....

I wish I had know that friends change.  As a kid, you have your friends, and you may even have your bestestest friends.......and you think you'll be friends forever!  and you may.......but, it's also perfectly normal that you don't.  I forget where I read it, but it is SO true!

There are 3 types of friends:

1.  Those for a reason (maybe your co-workers - you share everything, you go to lunch, etc.  but when one of you moves on, you may not be as close or keep in contact at all).

2.  Those for a season (your high school friends - you were inseparable for 4 years, but then you went to different schools and found partners and maybe move away, etc.)

3.  Those for a lifetime.  - these are the rare few.  And, keep in mind.....a lifetime can start at any point....so maybe you didn't know them until college or even sometime long after, but once you're hooked, you're dedicated for life.

Also, I've found, some people you think are for a lifetime, may suddenly be a seasonal or vice-versa.  I keep these three types in mind, though, when I feel like I've failed in a relationship.  I've put in the effort to try to keep it together and it's just not happening......this list helps me to put things in perspective, appreciate what I gained from the relationship, contemplate how I grew and what I may want to change about myself and move on.  It gives me closure and the clean-slate I need to not dwell on the past.

Hope this helps you!

E is for Eggs

I wish I had know how easy eggs were.......

Even to this day, I call my mom and all I have to say is "you know that thing I never write down...." and she begins to recite how to hard boil an egg.  Mind you, her technique never fails.  So, here it is:

1.  Place one layer of eggs in your pan

2.  fill the pan with cold water until about one inch above the eggs

3.  Bring to a boil

4.  Cover and remove from heat

5.  Allow to sit until for 10-15 minutes

6.  Quickly transfer eggs to an ice bath

Yep, that's it.  I've been out of town and now i'm sick, so I'm catching up on posts.  I promise to improve!!

D is for Dinner

Now, I can't really say that I wish I had known how important dinner was, but the truth is, I always knew.  Dinner was very important growing up.  Dinner was a time to vent, a time to tease, a time to interrogate, and a time to initiate.  I think both my husband and my brother-in-law could attest to that last point.  if you can't survive Sunday dinner that could last 2 - 3 hours and be an endless loop of stories about Scotland........you aren't going to make it!

So, my point, doesn't really matter what dinner is.......

-  A bunch of appetizers around the kitchen counter ('Mermaids' style, thank you, Cher)
-  A platter of wings and tiny bruschettas on the coffee table while watching some Skins football
-  An 'interesting' dinner of Pinterest successes and fails where everyone smiles at mom and thanks her for trying..
-  or even a no-hold-barred Sunday night turkey dinner with all the fixin's

Or who shows up at the table....

Bring them in, open up, and build some love!!

C is for Church

Church-y things to think about...

Ok, yeah, I’m going there.  I'm going to tackle a sensitive subject and hope to make some sense without offending anyone........wish me luck!

I grew up as a Presbyterian. As a child, I participated in all the stuff at church.  I was in the choir, I went to Sunday school, and I did all the extras that were age appropriate.  When I was a teenager, we moved to a new place and we started going to a new church.  I was not welcomed by the majority of kids my age.  I hadn't grown up with them, you know?  Because of those kids, I hated Sunday School, I hated having to go to choir, and I REALLY hated youth group.  The group of kids were the very opposite of what I would have defined as having a Christian spirit.  Bless the few who recognized my anguish and helped me find a place.  Instead of going to Sunday school, I taught Sunday school.  I started with 3rd graders, moved up with them until they hit middle school, fell in love with the whole age group and stayed put.  I taught for a total of 8 years.  I remember actually having parents tell me that there kids wanting to come to my class was the reason the whole family showed up on Sundays.  

Now, I have to add a side note here and tell you that I was your typical SS teacher.  I hated the curriculums they gave me to teach.  Talk about Cheesy and lame!  So, I would hit the Jesus Bookstore and find stuff I thought would inspire and breed conversation.  I wasn't into telling them what to believe and think.  I wanted them to get a good idea, but I wasn't about to give them the answers.  I was in high school.  Who the heck was I to hand out answers, right?  I also did crafts, lots and lots of crafts.  For those who deal with middle school-ers......or dread the thought of it......the secret is to remember you're in the halfway zone.  They want to be talked to like people and given responsibility, but they are also still kids who love hugs and want to play in glue and glitter!

Anyway, another side note that will move this on.....the only girl my age that would give me the time of day, was Sarah.  She quickly found out we went to the same school and arranged for me to ride with her to school instead of having to ride the bus.  She wasn't the popular one, or the cool one, but she was the decent one.  She was also a bit of an outsider at church since she had come out as bi-sexual.

It was Christmas Eve service of 2006.  I was waiting for service to start with my sister-in-law and niece and in comes Sarah, in tears, and said she had been asked to stay out of the Sunday School wing because parents were afraid she would influence their children and it was suggested to her by a certain high-up lady of the church that she might want to find a more accepting church.  I left.  Just got up and left.  During the following week, I cleared out my classroom, left a note telling my kids that sometimes you have to make a big move to stand up for your beliefs, and I left.  I later found out that my kids were told I had to move away suddenly and they never saw my note.

You know, my whole life, I just assumed that everyone around me, unless they were Jewish, were Christian.  What else was there?  All my friends celebrated Christmas and Easter, so, duh.  Never did it cross my mind that those two events could be just part of our culture.  There are actually quite a few people who really don't think twice about what they believe or don't believe. 

In any case, I didn't go to any church for a year.  As a former pastor of mine pointed out, ‘church’ actually became a pain-word for me.  I started to question everything I had been told to believe.  Did I really believe it or had I just gotten into a comfortable routine and made a habit of it? 

Then my son was born and I knew we needed to find a church home.  We followed my parent's to their church.  It's a UnitarianUniversalist Church.  

That being said, don't assume that just because we call where we go on Sunday a Church, that it is necessarily Christian.  We have Christian roots, and many of our faith family hold very deep Christian values, however, guess what?  The Christians don't have a monopoly on all the good stuff.  Just about every faith group has the same spin on how to be a good person and a great number of the stories are told in one form or another and have been for centuries in all sorts of faith traditions.  Sorry, if I’m rocking your world here.  

I won't go into my specific beliefs, that's not what I’m about.  I would ask of you to open your hearts to the possibilities that it's ok for someone else to believe differently and it's ok.  

I'm going to stop there.......well........one last thing.........this is a reaction I had to an article a FB friend posted about a church that wouldn't let a millionaire gay couple that had grown up there and were active members of the church community get married in their building.

A congregation is a group of people, a family if you will, that supports and grows together in a common belief.  A Church, is a location (building or otherwise), with bills to pay and, thus, requires butts in seats on Sunday and paying rentals during the other 6 days of the week to keep the doors open.  

Just saying....if someone wants to use a building......is willing to pay to do it and is not insisting that you join them for their event......as long as it's not going to burn the place down........what's the problem?

B is for Babies!

I wish I had known.....that you don't know how easy it is to goof it all up and it still turns out alright...with babies!

So, first kid......

-  you celebrate that second pink line with anyone who glances your way (watch out Safeway cashier!)

-  you start wearing maternity clothes immediately just because you can (even though you are probably not going to show until MUCH later)......

-  you pick out everything to be color coordinated

-  your registry is packed with every conceivable ‘thingy’ you can find or that the ‘registry suggestion list’ at the store told you HAVE TO HAVE!

-  You actually buy that damn crib iPod holder because it's SO cool! (true story)

-  Everything is clean and ready a month ahead of time

-  you've read everything about everything and you know it all.  If you're anything like me, you even took notes, college-style, and created yourself a cheat sheet about when the milestones are supposed to be, what you're supposed to be doing, etc.

-  You're convinced that everyone else is doing it WRONG and you can do a much better job

-  Your baby shower……thrown by your sister, of course…….is AMAZING! (do not turn down the baby shower btw…….you will regret it!) J

Kid is born!  Damn, that hurt.  I personally recommend an epidural (well, at least I did after the first two).  It still hurts.  And you're going to hurt after.  DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT,  assume that because you have handled cramps all your life and can take a fall pretty well, that you can make it the first couple of nights without your Percocet!  Oh, and hemorrhoids are REAL.  They are no joke and I heard a nurse refer to them as "Angry Little Men".

Few years later.....

you've finally got the routine down, you can pack a diaper bag with your eyes shut, he's hitting his milestones, got all his shots, and you've managed to have that 'accessory' kid that you can still take with you everywhere and he's pretty good.....

So......sure.....let's have another one.  how much different could it be?  hahahahahahahahaha.........

Guess what?  This is not the oldest or only child we're talking about.  this is the one who had a very close-in-age teacher.......everything is much quicker..........this one will do everything you were warned about with the first and were totally prepared for but that didn't actually happen so you figured everyone else was crazy (like putting everything in their mouths).  Only, this time you let your guard down......heaven help this child.  At least now you've learned that a food processor works just fine to puree canned veggies.. (you can get 5-6 baby servings of veg from 1 can that cost less than a buck!)......the baby DOES NOT need to be changed every 1-2 hours (unless they really do - which will happen the moment they get a fresh diaper on their butt - for some reason, a fresh diaper induces poop!) so you might actually save a diaper or two a day.......which extends that pack an extra day or two (score!).  

Eventually, the second one catches up to a self-sufficient stage where you can manage both kids with the same food, bedtime routine, set of books, etc.  

then you start to realize that you're probably done..........done........your ovaries are now useless.......your womb, empty.........you can start selling stuff in yard sales.........oh no, i'm not ready to let go of my babies..........baby fever.......

and then........

comes number 3.........

guess what?  naked works.......as long as you put a towel down......you really hope you washed everything before you put it in the attic last time because she's wearing it right out of the box because there is nothing else clean at the moment.....and......I hate to admit this......you CAN actually throw a bit of cheeseburger through your little hand-held baby food grinder and mix it with a little formula when there's nothing else........

....and you discover that sometimes, all the routines, and plans, and should-dos are just not as important as the 3 kids lying on the floor laughing together.........or watching your eldest work really hard for the baby's smile.....or eating pita chips, hummus, and carrot sticks really does count as a balanced meal as long as you all sat together and your kids got to tell you about their day. 

So, you start out up-tight...can't help it.  It's survival.  You want to be prepared for anything.  Then you soften and realize that you can't screw up too badly as long as you're present and love them!  Love them for more than they can stand!

Also, realize that it takes a village (thank you, Janette).  You can't do it alone.  You will never be able to afford everything you think they should have on your own.  It's ok to ask for help!