F is for Friends

Here's a slightly more serious post for you.....

I wish I had know that friends change.  As a kid, you have your friends, and you may even have your bestestest friends.......and you think you'll be friends forever!  and you may.......but, it's also perfectly normal that you don't.  I forget where I read it, but it is SO true!

There are 3 types of friends:

1.  Those for a reason (maybe your co-workers - you share everything, you go to lunch, etc.  but when one of you moves on, you may not be as close or keep in contact at all).

2.  Those for a season (your high school friends - you were inseparable for 4 years, but then you went to different schools and found partners and maybe move away, etc.)

3.  Those for a lifetime.  - these are the rare few.  And, keep in mind.....a lifetime can start at any point....so maybe you didn't know them until college or even sometime long after, but once you're hooked, you're dedicated for life.

Also, I've found, some people you think are for a lifetime, may suddenly be a seasonal or vice-versa.  I keep these three types in mind, though, when I feel like I've failed in a relationship.  I've put in the effort to try to keep it together and it's just not happening......this list helps me to put things in perspective, appreciate what I gained from the relationship, contemplate how I grew and what I may want to change about myself and move on.  It gives me closure and the clean-slate I need to not dwell on the past.

Hope this helps you!

E is for Eggs

I wish I had know how easy eggs were.......

Even to this day, I call my mom and all I have to say is "you know that thing I never write down...." and she begins to recite how to hard boil an egg.  Mind you, her technique never fails.  So, here it is:

1.  Place one layer of eggs in your pan

2.  fill the pan with cold water until about one inch above the eggs

3.  Bring to a boil

4.  Cover and remove from heat

5.  Allow to sit until for 10-15 minutes

6.  Quickly transfer eggs to an ice bath

Yep, that's it.  I've been out of town and now i'm sick, so I'm catching up on posts.  I promise to improve!!

D is for Dinner

Now, I can't really say that I wish I had known how important dinner was, but the truth is, I always knew.  Dinner was very important growing up.  Dinner was a time to vent, a time to tease, a time to interrogate, and a time to initiate.  I think both my husband and my brother-in-law could attest to that last point.  if you can't survive Sunday dinner that could last 2 - 3 hours and be an endless loop of stories about Scotland........you aren't going to make it!

So, my point, doesn't really matter what dinner is.......

-  A bunch of appetizers around the kitchen counter ('Mermaids' style, thank you, Cher)
-  A platter of wings and tiny bruschettas on the coffee table while watching some Skins football
-  An 'interesting' dinner of Pinterest successes and fails where everyone smiles at mom and thanks her for trying..
-  or even a no-hold-barred Sunday night turkey dinner with all the fixin's

Or who shows up at the table....

Bring them in, open up, and build some love!!

C is for Church

Church-y things to think about...

Ok, yeah, I’m going there.  I'm going to tackle a sensitive subject and hope to make some sense without offending anyone........wish me luck!

I grew up as a Presbyterian. As a child, I participated in all the stuff at church.  I was in the choir, I went to Sunday school, and I did all the extras that were age appropriate.  When I was a teenager, we moved to a new place and we started going to a new church.  I was not welcomed by the majority of kids my age.  I hadn't grown up with them, you know?  Because of those kids, I hated Sunday School, I hated having to go to choir, and I REALLY hated youth group.  The group of kids were the very opposite of what I would have defined as having a Christian spirit.  Bless the few who recognized my anguish and helped me find a place.  Instead of going to Sunday school, I taught Sunday school.  I started with 3rd graders, moved up with them until they hit middle school, fell in love with the whole age group and stayed put.  I taught for a total of 8 years.  I remember actually having parents tell me that there kids wanting to come to my class was the reason the whole family showed up on Sundays.  

Now, I have to add a side note here and tell you that I was your typical SS teacher.  I hated the curriculums they gave me to teach.  Talk about Cheesy and lame!  So, I would hit the Jesus Bookstore and find stuff I thought would inspire and breed conversation.  I wasn't into telling them what to believe and think.  I wanted them to get a good idea, but I wasn't about to give them the answers.  I was in high school.  Who the heck was I to hand out answers, right?  I also did crafts, lots and lots of crafts.  For those who deal with middle school-ers......or dread the thought of it......the secret is to remember you're in the halfway zone.  They want to be talked to like people and given responsibility, but they are also still kids who love hugs and want to play in glue and glitter!

Anyway, another side note that will move this on.....the only girl my age that would give me the time of day, was Sarah.  She quickly found out we went to the same school and arranged for me to ride with her to school instead of having to ride the bus.  She wasn't the popular one, or the cool one, but she was the decent one.  She was also a bit of an outsider at church since she had come out as bi-sexual.

It was Christmas Eve service of 2006.  I was waiting for service to start with my sister-in-law and niece and in comes Sarah, in tears, and said she had been asked to stay out of the Sunday School wing because parents were afraid she would influence their children and it was suggested to her by a certain high-up lady of the church that she might want to find a more accepting church.  I left.  Just got up and left.  During the following week, I cleared out my classroom, left a note telling my kids that sometimes you have to make a big move to stand up for your beliefs, and I left.  I later found out that my kids were told I had to move away suddenly and they never saw my note.

You know, my whole life, I just assumed that everyone around me, unless they were Jewish, were Christian.  What else was there?  All my friends celebrated Christmas and Easter, so, duh.  Never did it cross my mind that those two events could be just part of our culture.  There are actually quite a few people who really don't think twice about what they believe or don't believe. 

In any case, I didn't go to any church for a year.  As a former pastor of mine pointed out, ‘church’ actually became a pain-word for me.  I started to question everything I had been told to believe.  Did I really believe it or had I just gotten into a comfortable routine and made a habit of it? 

Then my son was born and I knew we needed to find a church home.  We followed my parent's to their church.  It's a UnitarianUniversalist Church.  

That being said, don't assume that just because we call where we go on Sunday a Church, that it is necessarily Christian.  We have Christian roots, and many of our faith family hold very deep Christian values, however, guess what?  The Christians don't have a monopoly on all the good stuff.  Just about every faith group has the same spin on how to be a good person and a great number of the stories are told in one form or another and have been for centuries in all sorts of faith traditions.  Sorry, if I’m rocking your world here.  

I won't go into my specific beliefs, that's not what I’m about.  I would ask of you to open your hearts to the possibilities that it's ok for someone else to believe differently and it's ok.  

I'm going to stop there.......well........one last thing.........this is a reaction I had to an article a FB friend posted about a church that wouldn't let a millionaire gay couple that had grown up there and were active members of the church community get married in their building.

A congregation is a group of people, a family if you will, that supports and grows together in a common belief.  A Church, is a location (building or otherwise), with bills to pay and, thus, requires butts in seats on Sunday and paying rentals during the other 6 days of the week to keep the doors open.  

Just saying....if someone wants to use a building......is willing to pay to do it and is not insisting that you join them for their event......as long as it's not going to burn the place down........what's the problem?

B is for Babies!

I wish I had known.....that you don't know how easy it is to goof it all up and it still turns out alright...with babies!

So, first kid......

-  you celebrate that second pink line with anyone who glances your way (watch out Safeway cashier!)

-  you start wearing maternity clothes immediately just because you can (even though you are probably not going to show until MUCH later)......

-  you pick out everything to be color coordinated

-  your registry is packed with every conceivable ‘thingy’ you can find or that the ‘registry suggestion list’ at the store told you HAVE TO HAVE!

-  You actually buy that damn crib iPod holder because it's SO cool! (true story)

-  Everything is clean and ready a month ahead of time

-  you've read everything about everything and you know it all.  If you're anything like me, you even took notes, college-style, and created yourself a cheat sheet about when the milestones are supposed to be, what you're supposed to be doing, etc.

-  You're convinced that everyone else is doing it WRONG and you can do a much better job

-  Your baby shower……thrown by your sister, of course…….is AMAZING! (do not turn down the baby shower btw…….you will regret it!) J

Kid is born!  Damn, that hurt.  I personally recommend an epidural (well, at least I did after the first two).  It still hurts.  And you're going to hurt after.  DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT,  assume that because you have handled cramps all your life and can take a fall pretty well, that you can make it the first couple of nights without your Percocet!  Oh, and hemorrhoids are REAL.  They are no joke and I heard a nurse refer to them as "Angry Little Men".

Few years later.....

you've finally got the routine down, you can pack a diaper bag with your eyes shut, he's hitting his milestones, got all his shots, and you've managed to have that 'accessory' kid that you can still take with you everywhere and he's pretty good.....

So......sure.....let's have another one.  how much different could it be?  hahahahahahahahaha.........

Guess what?  This is not the oldest or only child we're talking about.  this is the one who had a very close-in-age teacher.......everything is much quicker..........this one will do everything you were warned about with the first and were totally prepared for but that didn't actually happen so you figured everyone else was crazy (like putting everything in their mouths).  Only, this time you let your guard down......heaven help this child.  At least now you've learned that a food processor works just fine to puree canned veggies.. (you can get 5-6 baby servings of veg from 1 can that cost less than a buck!)......the baby DOES NOT need to be changed every 1-2 hours (unless they really do - which will happen the moment they get a fresh diaper on their butt - for some reason, a fresh diaper induces poop!) so you might actually save a diaper or two a day.......which extends that pack an extra day or two (score!).  

Eventually, the second one catches up to a self-sufficient stage where you can manage both kids with the same food, bedtime routine, set of books, etc.  

then you start to realize that you're probably done..........done........your ovaries are now useless.......your womb, empty.........you can start selling stuff in yard sales.........oh no, i'm not ready to let go of my babies..........baby fever.......

and then........

comes number 3.........

guess what?  naked works.......as long as you put a towel down......you really hope you washed everything before you put it in the attic last time because she's wearing it right out of the box because there is nothing else clean at the moment.....and......I hate to admit this......you CAN actually throw a bit of cheeseburger through your little hand-held baby food grinder and mix it with a little formula when there's nothing else........

....and you discover that sometimes, all the routines, and plans, and should-dos are just not as important as the 3 kids lying on the floor laughing together.........or watching your eldest work really hard for the baby's smile.....or eating pita chips, hummus, and carrot sticks really does count as a balanced meal as long as you all sat together and your kids got to tell you about their day. 

So, you start out up-tight...can't help it.  It's survival.  You want to be prepared for anything.  Then you soften and realize that you can't screw up too badly as long as you're present and love them!  Love them for more than they can stand!

Also, realize that it takes a village (thank you, Janette).  You can't do it alone.  You will never be able to afford everything you think they should have on your own.  It's ok to ask for help!

A is for Adult!

Welcome to the blog challenge for 2014!!

First, a little about me.  I am 30-ish, married, with 3 kids (6 yr boy, 3 yr boy, and 6m girl).  I work full time as a contractor and my hubby is a stay-at-home dad.  I generally blog craft items or parties I've thrown.  Sometimes I venture into really 'deep' topics like how women are evil to each other....I will try to entertain and inspire!  I would love to have you as a follower!

 I wanted to be theme-y this year and with a little help from my friends, decided on "Things I Wish I Had Known Before...."

Tonight, A is for Adult.

I wish I had known.....that turning 18 + graduating + getting a job + getting married + babies....doesn't always = Adult

If anyone can tell me what the magic age is when you will truly feel like and adult, please let me know.  I seem to only feel sorta adult-ish at home when I have to be in charge.  At work, and for those of my generation or younger, you can probably relate to this, I always feel like the kid.  I've been at my current job for 8 years......I was in my early twenties when I started there and I'm pretty sure I'm close, if not, exactly the same age as many of my co-workers' kids.  Most of the time, I have no clue what they are going on about when it comes to music, movies, old sayings, etc.  Here's an example: (sorry, Chris T) I forget what we were talking about, but he said "jump the shark".  I just stared.  What the heck???  He had to painfully explain the whole Happy Days saga to me.  Sigh.

Anyway, I'm getting off track.  My words of wisdom for this starter........

If you are a certain youngish-age:  Pay attention, don't be afraid to ask what the heck they are talking about, and don't be afraid to speak up.  They had to work a lot harder than you to learn that click drag &thing and knew what it was to have to write down everything resulting in a great deal of forced memorization of processes, procedures, and the like.  We sorta have it easy the way we can just find anything on google, save it, re-color it, drop it on a PowerPoint and 'ta-da' genius presentation in minutes!

If you are more mature age and work with younger folk, "Please don't mistake our lack of years, for lack of knowledge"  Many of us were born into a time where we had fisher price laptops and full knowledge of every feature and free app by the age of 6.  We can help you simplify!  Also, when you wander off to the wonderful world of retirement, who's in charge then?

Be nice and wonderful and kind to each other, all you peeps of all certain ages!

Stay tuned for tomorrow, when I break open the REAL world of BABIES!!!!!

Women are Wicked......to Each Other

There's been a few articles circling around that really bother me.  One was by a girl of a certain age who decided to wage a little war on young women entering into marriage.  Then, there was a retort by another girl of a certain age.  Both girls’ articles were not the most well written pieces, but they did highlight a significant problem in our society.  Women are wicked to each other.  Plain and simple, we are.  My sister said as much to me one day while I was on a rant about some other woman and it's been with me ever since.

It starts young, too.  Very rarely do we get through a week where there isn't a news story somewhere about some poor little girl being tortured by some 'cool girls'.  I, as a kid, was teased constantly about being the big kid.  I was always taller and bigger and my voice was always deeper.  Then you get to high school girls.  How many scripts-turned-movies have been written about the 4-year hazing ritual that is high school?  Girls are always in competition with each other.  Do they usually just leave it on the field like our simpler counter parts?  Oh no.  We wage war complete with tactical maneuvers of other girls, traps, torture and very rarely does a POW come out 'ok'.  She's permanently damaged no matter how many psychological Band-Aids we try to apply.  

Maybe it's the presence of all those extra brain connections.  I'm not a scientist so I’m not going to start spilling out a bunch of theories here.  

Let's skip college (if you chose to go) altogether since that's just another battlefield.

Ok, real world.  Time to be an adult.  Time to make those big choices in life.

Go to the big city and make it big on your own?

Stay home and marry your high school sweetheart?

Move out and raise that baby on your own?

Get married, travel the world, and never plan to have kids?

Settle down, have a van full of kids?

Be a stay-at-home mom?

Be a working mom?

Break through the glass ceiling?

Try to have it all?

I know I’ve missed a hundred scenarios, however, it doesn't really matter.  No matter how many choices I list and how many you morph through in your life.........according to the female population as a whole..........you'll be WRONG!  The thing is, I think women always wish we had a different choice to make or question our choices so we turn around and defend our position and put down all the others.  We may tolerate those choices similar to ours, but stand two or more women in a room where each has made a choice on completely different ends of the spectrum and there will be tension.  Then we call our best friends later and talk all about that 'Woman!"   How do I know?  I'm guilty of it, quite guilty actually.  I'm the married young, have three kids, and work full time with a stay-at-home hubby and I’m only 32.  Can you guess which woman are my target of choice?  

We need to stop.  We need to support each other.  It takes all sorts of us to make the world work.  Regardless of your personal maternal choice, we are all part of raising the next generation of kick-ass women.  They are watching us and taking their cues from us.  They clue into it early and thus we end up with a bunch of both pretty little bullies and tortured souls.  

Where is it going to end?  When can we step back and realize that it's us against the world?  It's our fault, in a way, though.  We (females) want to be and do so many things and having been oppressed for so long, finally the world said, "Fine!  Have it your way!  Be Everything, NOW!"  And thus, we struggle just to be who we want to be and do what we want to do without the pressures put on us by family, friends, our teachers, co-workers, spouses, our children.....and finally each other.  We can't do it all and we get mad and we turn and lash out at the women who've done the things we couldn't or won't.  Thing is, those same women are looking right back at you thinking the same thing....but opposite.  

So, hear this.  Ladies, Gals, Girls, Women....Be and do so much regardless of if you are 23 or not!

Be a mom.  Be an aunt.  Be a sister.  Be a daughter.  Be a teacher.  Be a student.  Be a spouse.  Be single.  Be a friend.  Be a traveler.  Be a movie watcher.  Be in the PTO.  Be the CEO.  Be a secretary. Be a go-getter.  Be content.  Be a shopper.  Be crafty.  Be a driver.  Be a rider.  Be in charge.  Be a follower.  Be a note taker.  Be a writer.  Be a fighter.  Be at peace.  Be a lover.  Be alone.  Be a reader.  Be quiet.  Be a screamer.  Be a dancer.  Be wild.  Be tame.  Be religious.  Be a questioner.  Be the answer.  Be a pusher.  Be understanding.  Be behind the scenes.  Be a Star.  Be set in your ways.  Be willing to change.  Be, be, be......Be YOURSELF!!  

...and above all, appreciate the beauty of all the choices we, as women have and respect the right every woman has to choose 1 or a 100 in her lifetime and love her for it!