Tuesday, October 9, 2012

50 Shades of Snore


So, I finally finished all 3 books of Fifty Shades and I, personally, was extremely disappointed.  Just to begin, it's one of the worst written books I have ever had the misfortune to read.  Unfortunately for me, I have this issue where I can't leave a book once it's started...it must be finished.......so I was "forced" to read them all.  I seriously would like to take up a collection to send the author a thesaurus!  Seriously?  If Miss Steele was "awash with sensation" one more time; I just don't know what I’d do!  

As for content......okay, what 21 year old doesn't have some clue about technology?  How do you make it through college nowadays without an email address at the very least?  Also, let's step back........we go from "who is this guy?" to "I can't live without you!" in five weeks.......one of which was spent broken up.  I'm sorry, no.  It's not even remotely believable.  I know the point was just to fill in the gaps between the badly penned sex scenes, but could we please take a moment to develop a relationship?  

Going on, did the author pick up a technical manual about BDSM and then just copy out definitions word for word?  I thought you were supposed to write about what you knew?  Every "instance" was the opportunity for one great big eye roll!!!  Oh, stow your twitching palms!  I know it's a "fantasy" or whatever, but come on now, women, how many times do you find yourself "panting" and "begging"?  Also, might I point out that never was she as sore as a virgin turned porn star should be?  I don't care how much lube you have, at some point, you're going to hurt with that much activity!

This brings me to my current frustration with a lot of literature as well.  I am so sick of emotional morons!  I mean, come on, does every woman have to be a gaming-playing twit who becomes totally devoid of intelligent thought at the site of a decent looking guy?  It's exasperating!  What are guys supposed to think about us???  

All I can say is that the author is lucky she had a taboo working in her favor or she'd have to use her books for firewood this winter!

7 comments:

  1. Have you seen the hilarious post of the Goodreads blogs about the books? Classic. Moreover, I have never seen a blog with thousands of comments.

    If you think the books are bad, wait until the movie comes out. Yeah. God save the Queen and the rest of us who are literate. lol

    Cheers.

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    1. i will check out that blog! thank you! Not sure how they are going to pass that movie in a regular theater!

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  2. I've never read these books, but I've read several reviews that reflect what you've written. Don't throw these books into the category of Literature.

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    1. so true! I apologize for the accidental inclusion........ink, paper, and a binding does not make one a peice of lit! :) Hope all is well!

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  4. The books are escapism. That's why we read fiction in the first place. I did not exactly identify with the characters, but then again, I'm not particularly interested in reading books about normal people. The writing was terrible, agreed. However, a lot of the pull are the sexual undertones (or overtones lol), the taboo surrounding it all, romantic angst with troubled pasts, and reading about life situations that you have never experienced. A lot of people reading these books know that a lot of what is happening is just impossible or tinkering on over the top extreme. That's why it's in a book and we've never known anybody with a life like theirs (and also why it is extremely popular). The same goes with all of the books about vampires, dragons, fantasies, etc. I'm pretty sure I'll never meet a vampire, but it makes for a good read, right? We all knew this book was completely inaccurate from the beginning.. a newly graduated student from college lands a great job immediately following? ha. ha.

    I just think we have to take the book for what it is. I don't see many men lining up to read it, and if they do, God help them if they think this is what all women want in a relationship. Granted, you will always have people out there who take everything they read, hear, and see literally and do exactly what a book, song, movie, etc. tells them to do. They are scary extreme cases and to be expected with anything.

    And about the BDSM dictionary stuff, yeah, that's what E.L. James said in many interviews. She wasn't familiar with the topic and mostly googled all of it. I don't think the book was meant to be a how-to guide on BDSM or on life.

    The book is intense. The author wanted the reader to really get and understand that the characters felt an intense pull and attraction to each other (which also plays on your point of "developing a relationship"). I believe this does exist somewhere out there. Why not? Lust, love, etc. is all real if a person wants/lets it be. And if that in itself gives women (and men) hope in love and life, then I'm all for it. Life should be about passion. Yes, it is simply a fantasy to believe that everyday is filled with as much passion as the day before and the days after. We all know life can get to be pretty mundane and predictable. But I think E.L. James is just reminding that you can create spark, get it back, let it go, find it, etc.

    I was open to believing that many relationships exist in this world that I don't know about or will even experience and was willing to read about one that is quite outside of my comfort zone. I never thought the book was about me or applied to my life.

    I appreciate your review. And I'm glad you stuck it out over all this time. Can't wait for mom to ring in on this. haha

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    1. Fair point, well made as ever, Mrs. Martin. :P

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