Thursday, February 2, 2012

Paraprosdokian Sentence

I have to give credit to Mimi (my mom) for these.  I may put them randomly in my FB status updates, but they're too funny not share all at once.  Enjoy!

A paraprosdokian sentence consists of two parts where the first is a figure of speech and the second an intriguing variation of the first. They are used typically for humorous or dramatic effect.

1. Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
2.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
3. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
4. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
5. Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
6. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
7. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
8. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
9. Never argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
11. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the edge of a pool and throw fish.
12. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
13. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a baldhead and a beer gut and still think they're sexy.
14. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
15. You don't need a parachute to skydive, but you do need one to skydive again.
16. The voices in my head may be fake, but they have good ideas!
17. Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
18. I scream the same way whether I'm about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot.
19. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

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